i have one screwed up family

Why is it that you don't quite realize how dysfunctional your own family is until someone dies? Then thoughts of going to said persons funeral lead to questions about feeling welcome, wheter it's really a good idea to attend the event, or to just send flowers expressing deepest sympathies.

My families problems started way back when I was very young. About one or two to be exact. My dad has two older children from a previous marriage and, well, they haven't always been the best of people. My brother, the baby making, woman marring, machine, doesn't have a good relationship with any of his children. I, personally, am only in touch with two of the five (who, by the way, turned into wonderful, wonderful, adults thanks to my lovely sister-in-law.) and have just recently made contact with the third (another one whom my sister-in-law took under her wing, my brother really was a fool to let her get away). The other two are off somewhere far, far, away (actually probably not that far) never to be heard from again.

My "sister" gives my brother a run for his title as a baby making machine. She is also addicted to drugs and alcohol, and dependent on the state to support her. When she was running low on money she'd pop out another baby to increase her paycheck. I'm pretty sure all of her children are grown now, so I guess I'm not quite sure how she's paying the bills. I haven't seen or spoken to her in years. My dad disowned her a long, long time ago. That in itself is a long discustiing story, nothing I really want to air here. Needless to say, my dad did the only thing he could do. My ex sis was/is toxic. My older brother also later stopped all communication with her, along with most of the people in my family. But, just because my dad chose to disown her, he still loved and worried all the time about her children.

On Friday, her oldest son died. From what we've heard through the grapevine, he had a seisure the day before, went home and was heard getting up to use the restroom. They heard him fall, tried to revive him to no avail. They think he died from a blood clot. This child had never had a good life. When he was little he got brain damage from a big wheel accident. You've already heard the stories about his mother, I don't know much about his father (hopefully he had some kind of support from him) the only person who really took him under her wing was my dad's ex-wife, his grandmother and she died years ago. Granted, all of this is heresay, I really don't know much for sure. What I do know though is that my dad is shaken, he is upset. I think one of his biggest regrets in life is not fighting harder to make sure those kids got good homes, either with us or someone else in the family.

Now the question looms, do we attend the funeral or leave well enough alone and just send flowers. My dad, I think, really wants to go to pay his last respects to his grandson. I've told him I'll fly back (hoping I can get a flight under $500) and go with him, along with Mark and my younger brothers. But still he hesitates. Partly because of his absence in Eric's life and his regrets, but also because even though they no longer speak, and haven't in years, he doesn't want to cause his first daughter anymore pain. After all, she did just loose a son.

welcome 2009

So, I've spent the last few days (off and on in between work and kids and household crap) looking over my blog posts for the past year. I've noticed something interesting about them too, most of them have a very hostile tone to them. Interesting. I guess it's pretty accurate though. I hate to say it but 2008 was a very stressful year. From Tim losing his job, to the stress of moving across the country (against my better judgement), to living with my mother-in-law. I can still feel it's effects on my body. Hell, I may never recover from that last thing!

However, 2009 is a new year and I am going to try and make the best of it. I've always been a glass half full kinda gal and I'm not going to let the crazy living with me change that. I have a great life. A great family. A job. And as of right now I don't have to worry about how to pay the bills. It's more than a lot of of other people have. I'm lucky. It's time to focus on the positive. In the background, I'm going to be trying like hell to convince my dear husband to move away from here, but it's not going to be the main part of my life.

California is a beautiful place. I really am glad to be living here, if only for a short while. I get to see mountains every day, the beach whenever I feel like going (it's about five minutes away), and the desert isn't far either. I've never seen so much beauty in a single place before. It's time to start embracing it. So that is my resolution for 2009, always look for the positive in any situation. The silver lining, if you will. I need to find the old me, the one who did something about the negatives in her life.

Even if it's just to find the good part of every single day, you do what you can, right?!

Happy New Year all.

just a quick little something that's been weighing on my mind. . . .

Okay, is it just me or is this just wrong (or at the very least, slightly disturbing):

My father-in-law, who is a high school teacher, is now on facebook and he has quite a few of his old students, mostly female, as friends. Now, maybe things have changed in the last ten years, but I never would have dreamed of having one of my ex teachers as a friend on facebook. I can't even see myself looking up any of them now and asking them to be my friend, and that includes the one I dated.

Keep in mind, these are students he hasn't even spoken to in over two years. To seek them out and ask them to be his friend is weird in my opinion. Am I nuts? Is that crossing the line? Or am I just finding a way to avoid going to sleep and officially ending my wonderful vacation from work?

sorry for the absence, i was kidnapped by facebook.

So, Christmas here in California came and went and for the most part, it was excellent. The kids were happy with their loot, we stayed in our pjs all day long, dinner was easy, and the mother-in-law locked herself in her room for the entire day. Bliss I tell you, it was.

I have many pictures to post but unfortunately, my dear macbook is on her last leg (we've had her since 2003, orange juice has been spilled in her, kids have dropped her, it's really quite amazing she works at all.) and I'm afraid of what 100 more pictures would do to her. I might attempt it later, haven't quite decided yet. Until then I'm going to be looking through Apple's website trying to decide what to get to replace my dear laptop. It's bitter sweet I tell ya.

On a different note, you may have been wondering where in the world I've been. Well, my only excuse is Facebook. My dear sister-in-law got me hooked on it. My whole family is on there plus a lot of high school friends I had completely forgotten about. I mean, come on, where else can you go and learn that your brother is out shopping, your dad is looking at pictures from your brother's wedding, your best friend from high school should be sleeping, and your ex neighbor has turned into quite the partier. It's fascinating, people!! Especially when there are more important things that need to be done. And in some weird sense, it makes me feel closer to home. Closer to the drama a small town creates. It's awesome.

all i want for christmas is . . . .

. . . . a car that works.

. . . and my bills paid off.

. . . . and a house without my mother-in-law drama.

. . . and my extended family, near.

. . . and all of my fertility issues to go away.

. . . and a job I don't hate.

Other than those few, very minor things, my life is wonderful.

But, in all seriousness things are going well here. I think we are about done Christmas shopping for the kids this year. It's proven to be quite a bit harder to shop for them this year though. Tim and I had our annual "Shop till You (meaning him) Drop Day" this past Friday and we must have looked in a million different stores before we bought a single thing. We're really trying to simplify things this year. Only buy them toys we know will last. Toys we know they'll love. Believe it or not, it's very hard d to find toys that fall under BOTH of those catagories.

More importantly though, it really helped us to realize that our children really don't want for anything. When we were reviewing their lists this year, we noticed that they were literally just writing down anything and everything they came across. They really didn't want any of it. For example, Bob had a GPS on his list. When I asked him if he even knew what a GPS was, he had no clue. In the past, Tim and I have both seriously overdone Christmas. We love watching the kids open their gifts come the big day. We never really paid much attention to the fact that most of the gifts that we had just spent hundreds of dollars on, went unnoticed, not played with, the whole year through.

This year will be different. There won't be as many gifts under the tree. But the gifts that will be there, were well thought out, well planned, and I know they will walk away with many more hours of play in those fewer toys than they ever have in Christmases past.

still alive, sorta

So sorry I haven't been around lately.

Things here have gone from bad to worse and the stress level here at home is almost unbearable. My mother-in-law is sucking us dry, money-wise, and emotionally as well. She's constantly begging us for money for one thing or another, so much so that since we've moved in, Tim has handed over every single one of his paychecks to her. Every. Last. Cent. And it still doesn't make her happy. Now, we've put our foot down. Christmas is around the corner and by god, nothing is going to keep us from giving our children a Christmas to remember. They come first, after all.

So, now we're not talking to her, she's not talking to us and when she does say something it's just all about her and how sick she is and how miserable she feels.

Like for example: the other night, she was back and forth from the garage to her room, doing laundry. She swears she walked out of her room with a (tiny) basket, tears streaming down her face, and that Tim and I just looked at her, not bothering to ask if she needed help.

I remember the basket, I remember her carrying it, but I didn't see a single tear. Neither did Tim.

On top of that, she's a grown freakin' woman, if she needs fucking help, she needs to ask for it. We aren't mind readers for crying out loud.

Anyway, on top of all that, it's almost like she's bound and determined to suck the Christmas spirit out of anyone who lives here. This is my most favorite time of year. I love everything about it. And while I'm usually horrible at handling stress, this kind of stress doesn't usually bother me. I thrive in it.

This year however, I've been nauseous for over a week. Sicker than anything for the last four days, and on most days it's hard for me to remember it's even Christmas.

Tim is working six days a week right now, so even though he tries to be, he isn't much help. When he comes home he's so exhausted that I step into the caregiver role and take care of him. Regardless of how I'm feeling. He's way stressed, in fact it's probably a lot worse on him than on me.

Case and point, I'm just sick of this whole thing. I'm sick of this living situation. I'm sick of the bitch that lives with us. I'm sick of being sick. I'm sick of watching my dear husband work his ass off and still feel like he's not doing enough for his family. I'm sick of his mother telling him that his job isn't good enough because it isn't in technology, where she thinks he should be, even though this job makes him happy when technology didn't. I'm sick, and I'm tired, and I just want this whole thing to end. I want my mother-in-law to move out. I want my husband back. I want to feel like it's okay to come home. I want my kids to be happy. And I just want it to feel like Christmas again.

happy thanksgiving.

I figured I'd better post now before all of the festivities begin.

I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, full of great family, a big ol' newspaper full of black Friday ads, and a menu that is just as good in person as it was on paper.

To my wonderful family; I love all of you very much and miss the heck out of each and every one of you. I'm counting down the months until we are able to be back in the state I love, surrounded by the family I've been without for the last eight years.

Have a wonderful day.

it's the most wonderful time of the year.

I haven't finished my shopping for Thanksgiving yet, no pies are in the refrigerator, the house needs to be cleaned one last time, and I have to work tomorrow, but I'm still absolutely infatuated with this time of year.

Tomorrow is jammed packed with enough shopping and prep work that you'd think I was feeding every. single. person. I've. ever. met. But that's how I roll. The whole menu thing just sort of snowballs, I see it happening yet I can't figure out how to stop it. There are just too many good things to choose from. I must make them all!

So, here is my final (I think) menu for this year:

Dinner:
Tofurky (a must in any vegetarian household)
Basketball (really it's a stuffed tofu turkey, made from tofu, this is just my husband's name for it - - he prefers this over Tofurky)
Stuffing (the Pepperage Farm, in a bag kind. Tim wouldn't accept anything else)
Mashed Potatoes (don't really have a recipe for these, I just kinda throw them together, my only criteria: Yukon Gold Potatoes.)
Gravy (of course, it's a must with the "basketball" and the potatoes. Unfortunately, I suck at gravy, so this is just the vegan Hein's packaged kind. But, it's damn good!)
One can of cranberry sauce (Ocean Spray all the way, the jello-y kind. Nothing else will do, I'm the only one who eats it, so what I say goes!)
Kale, Green Beans, and Mushrooms
Best Brussels Sprouts (these really are the best I've ever had. NOTHING even comes close to these. Try them, even if you don't like Brussels sprouts, you'll love these.)
Sour Cream Muffins (except vegan)

Desserts:
Pumpkin Pie (sorry can't find the recipe for this one, super easy though. Basically it's just pumpkin and tofu with sugar and spices.)
Cheesecake (there are about a million recipes for this on vegweb.com but I kinda do my own thing here as well)
Chocolate Turtle Truffle Torte (Bumpo's all time favorite. This really is the best dessert in the world!)

Okay, so there you have it. It's nice to see it all written down on something more. . . . concrete.

My plan is to start on the desserts tomorrow after I get home from work and shopping. Should be easy enough.

Of course, that all depends on how crowded the stores are. Hopefully there aren't too many other people out there waiting until the last minute to do their shopping. . . . .

. . . . Hey, I said "hopefully"!

I'll let you know how it goes.

sorry, no halloween pictures this time

With Thanksgiving nearly a week away, life is pretty hectic here at home. I have a menu to plan, grocery shopping to do, a Christmas budget to set, holiday cookies to plan out, and most importantly, I need to find a way to keep my mother-in-law OUT of the kitchen. She's threatening to make the mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving. Anyone who knows me knows that mashed potatoes are MY signature dish. Actually, come to think of it, Thanksgiving is my signature meal. I love planning it. I love cooking it. And except for a few minor projects that I despise (cutting the veggies, peeling the potatoes, cleaning up afterwards) the kitchen is off limits on that day.

Ah, the joys of sharing the house with another female adult.

You know you feel my pain. . . . .

Anyway, moving on. . . . .

Everything else here at home is rather mundane. Kids going to school, adults going to work, cats being their cute kitty selves, dog being her possessive "nothing is better than a dog" cute self, mother-in-law claiming to have illness after illness just begging for someone to PAY ATTENTION TO HER, IN HER TIME OF NEED (that never seems to end). Yep, same ol' same ol'.

Oh what, you didn't hear about my mother-in-law's latest?!! Oh my I have toned down the hate, haven't I?!! Well, for those of you who like it that way, lets end this post now.

Okay, now that they're gone, let me explain.

It seems as though the mother-in-law has kidney disease. Now, I am in no way making light of her (not yet confirmed) situation. Because heaven knows I wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even her. I truly feel bad for all she is going through. What I can't handle is the self loathing, self pitying act that she continues to put on.
"Oh poor me, I just got well only to get sick again."

"Oh poor me, I'm sooooooo sick, I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to work."

"Oh, my son Tim, he's horrible because he doesn't bow down to my every whim and wait on me hand and foot."
"Wait, you mean he has a family of his own?"
"But, it's supposed to be all about me, screw his supposed family, she could never love him nearly as much as I love myself . . ."
"er, I mean him."

"What you expect me to clean up the kitchen, after you've been doing it for weeks in a row? Oh, I'm so sorry, I'll just ignore your requests, and feign nausea instead."

"By the way, got any chocolate?"

I could go on and on, but I won't. Needless to say, we aren't sure if she really is sick or if it's all a big ploy (like the many other's she's pulled) to get attention because moving out here just hasn't worked out the way she thought it would. Her beloved Brad didn't drop his wife and hop on her broom, she didn't make a million friends like she had thought, and she didn't land that full-time lucrative career she thought she would. Because, you know, the job opportunities are so much better out there. We'll forget the fact that there are a lot more people to compete with as well. People who aren't coming down with the last thing they read on WebMD. People who are nice. And people who (despite her young age of 54) aren't older than dirt. My parents, for example, are much older than that and both still hold down full-time jobs. You can't slow them down.

Okay, I'm done with my rant. What can I say, the holidays are upon us and I'm missing my family like mad. This faux extended family (and by that I mean her) sucks ass.

Plane tickets to Ohio for my little family of FOUR.

That's the only thing on my list this year.

PS. Sorry, this post is a little more violent than most. Don't know what got in to me there. It's just stuff I've been holding in for far too long.

busy busy busy

I'm still alive, still well.

Still need to post the Halloween pictures.

Still need to find the time.

Will post later this week.

hope

Finally, after eight years of hell, hope and change are alive and well.

History was made tonight, people. Wonderful, wonderful history.

For the first time in a long time, I will sleep peacefully tonight.

vote

Okay, so it's no secret who I'll be voting for today.

I think Tim stated it best when we were going over our choices last night. . . . . . "We're voting for the minorities. Vote for the homos (NO on Prop 8), vote for the animals (YES on Prop 2), and, most importantly, vote for the black man."

But seriously, whatever your choice, get out there, do your American duty and vote, damn it.

We're very lucky to have choice in this country. And even if you make the wrong one (hehehehe), at least you made one.

Good luck, and may the best man win, or may we all be doomed!

a pumpkin patch, and some photos

So, this post is a little late coming, but I've been busy.

One of the things I love about California is that anything you need, food wise, is grown locally. This includes pumpkins. So, this year the boys had the pleasure of going to a real live pumpkin patch and picking their very own pumpkin. It was so much fun.












We made a deal before we got there, that whoever got the biggest pumpkin, was in charge of hauling the wheel barrow around. Oh, and also, we weren't allowed to get a pumpkin we couldn't carry ourselves.






























So, we searched and searched for our perfect carving pumpkin.












And, finally, after many, many "false alarms" we were all happy with our choices.












So, we were all able to go home, happy.

. . . . . Oh, and just in case you were wondering, Bob won "The Biggest Pumpkin" reward.

balance

. . . . It's a funny thing, that there word. You never seem to stop searching for it.

As a baby, you discover it's importance when you try to sit up for the first time. The same is true for a toddler learning to walk. Later on, to ride a bike, or skates, or just about any other wheeled toy. But, even as an adult, I still find myself searching for it.

Sadly, it hasn't gotten any easier to find.

How does a working mom not feel guilty for leaving the children at home, spending ten hours of her day at work? Leaving an hour or two for the most important people in her life, trying desperately to cram as much quality time in to those hours as possible, wondering, hoping that it's enough?

How does a stay-at-home-mom not loose touch with themselves? Make sure they aren't fully consumed by the notion of making their kids happy, so much so that she depends on them to fill her day, just as much as they depend on her.

I'm walking those lines now. I work full time, but in my heart of hearts, no matter how ridiculous it sounds, I still consider myself a stay-at-home-mom. My boys are my life.

This is where that dear word rears it's ugly head again in my life, I feel that I haven't found the proper balance between work and home. I spend too much of my time away, and when I am home, work has me so exhausted that I'm really not giving all I could to my dear family.

On the flip side of that, I need my job. The extra money is a nice thing to have, especially now with the hard times everyone is facing. Quitting isn't an option. Cutting back and still keeping my same rate of pay also isn't an option. I've rearranged my hours, cut back on my night shifts, and have worked really hard to make the days I have off special for the boys. Whether it be cleaning the entire house top to bottom, together. Or, spending the day at the park, I make sure to include them in whatever the agenda holds.

Yet, something is still off. I'm wearing myself to the bone. I'm tired constantly, have a fever at least three nights a week, and can't remember the last time I've had a decent nights sleep.

So, back to the drawing board I go. There has to be a way to do everything that has to be done, without killing myself in the process. My boys don't just deserve a mom who is there when she can be, they deserve a mom who actually enjoys the trips to the parks, the walks around the neighborhood, the shopping excursions to find the perfect Halloween costumes. They deserve a mom who gets just as much enjoyment out of those events as they do, instead of someone who is wishing we could just hurry it up already so I can get home to rest.

So, balance, once again I search for you. Hopefully, once I do find you, it's just like riding a bike.

home, without a plan

Okay, so that's not entirely true. I have a car that needs it's driver side window fixed, (it's not broken, the window itself, it just refuses to be useful and you know, roll down, the joy of power windows.) a mountain of laundry that needs to be done, another mountain, just as daunting, of boxes to unpack, a house to clean, an empty camera card begging to be filled with pictures, some beautiful weather to partake in, and a husband who also happens to have the day off.

So, with so much to do why am I sitting on my butt, typing on here instead?!! Well, I have no clue. I guess subconsciously, I'm still trying to talk myself out of the boring mundane tasks that have to be done (the laundry, the cleaning, the unpacking, the car) and find a good enough excuse to drop all that grown-up crap for the better options instead.

Better yet, why don't I hurry through the boring stuff and head out a little later to enjoy this beautiful weather.

A little ambitious? Maybe.

Doable? Definitely.

I'll be back later with pictures.

it's contagious

The air is turning cooler here, and the first hints of fall are all around us.

We can begin to see the change in colors on the hills that surround our home. The roses in the yard are beginning their natural decent into the cooler weather as their petals litter the ground. The lemons on the tree outside our bedroom window are starting to show the first signs of frost.

Autumn is definitely here.

The weatherman even said we could plan on getting a little rain today. It's amazing, being from Florida and all, I've seen rain at least a billion times. It rains almost daily there. Yet, here, in Southern California, where it never rains, you remember how magical a little precipitation can be. It's like looking forward to the first snow in winter. It's festive, and cozy, and most of all it draws you home.

As the cooler air crashes through the open windows, I find myself cuddled on the couch with the family I love so dearly, watching a movie we couldn't find time for over the summer. It doesn't matter that I should be at work today, or that the reason I'm not is because I'm super sick, covered in hives and hopped up on enough benadryl to bring down an elephant. I wouldn't change this for anything in the world.

I love this season. It's a time to reconnect. A time to refocus on what's important in life. A time to draw near everything that was too hot to be around over the summer. A time to slow down and enjoy life, before the craziness of the upcoming holiday season begins.

Needless to say, despite how I feel physically, it's hard to focus on my poor health right now. There is so much beauty around that it's hard to be anything, but happy.

rut

Okay, so I think it's safe to admit that this blog has been in quite the rut for the last. . . . oh. . . . year or so.

It used to be that I'd be driving down the road and plotting out blog entries while I went. All "Queen of Multi-Tasking" and all. Now, my drives are filled with thoughts of another kind. Mainly my schedule, and the lack of a little thing called time. I'm running ragid, I'm feeling guilty about the lack of time I spend with those I love dearly, I'm tired, I'm dealing with hives again, and that whole infertility issue still looms in the background.

So, long story short, I'm seriously missing the creative person I used to be. I think it's time for some restructuring. Time to really analyze every aspect of my life and find room for the things that matter and remove all the things that don't. It's time to get back some "me" time. I'm not quite sure what that means, or what my future holds but I do know that my life just isn't working the way it is right now. I'm working too much, spending too much time in bed, and not enough time on the house or my family. It's going to be a daunting task but the end result will be well worth it.

Hopefully you'll be seeing my creative juices running a little more freely around here as well.

I miss it.

And I miss all of you.

But mostly, I miss myself, the happy self I used to be.

10

The old saying is true, time really does fly by.

I can still remember being eighteen with this huge secret on my heart. Not knowing what to do or how to fix it. Worried about the future, my parents finding out, and most of all for this little life growing inside of me. I knew, even in those early days, that he deserved a great life. A life full of love and adventure. A life I was lucky enough to have growing up. Oh, how I worried that I wasn't good enough to give that to him. Too young to take on the responsibility of raising a child. Too scared to share my burden with others. Too stubborn to let people help me. Too ashamed to acknowledge, even to myself, that this was really happening to me.

Then the day came when he was born, and my life changed. At the age of eighteen, ready or not, I became a mother. Surrounded by my mother, Scott and the rest of my family I welcomed my beautiful baby boy into this world. I cried when I saw his beautiful face. And during those first moments, I knew. I knew I could rise to the challenge of making that little boy's life amazing. Ready to take on whatever crossed my path. He was my son and he deserved the best. I wouldn't settle for anything less.

*******

Ten years later and here I sit, now twenty-eight with a pre-teen staring back at me. And I wouldn't change a single moment for all the money in the world. Sure, there have been challenges and yeah I do laugh at the naive me from back then who thought this journey would be a walk in the park.

But, he's healthy and he's happy and I am so happy he's mine. I've enjoyed every second of watching this little baby of mine grow into a boy and I look forward to watching this boy turn in to a beautiful young man, just let the time slow down a little.

Happy birthday Bob, my first child, the person who's been with me the longest. Thanks for making that scared teenager, a mom.

playing hooky

I've mentioned it before, but it bears repeating. . . . I hate my new store. It's a mess, no one seems to care that it's a mess, and everyone just sort of deals with the mess instead of doing anything to fix it. I've been assured that this is a west coast thing, (although I seriously doubt it) but it drives this Easterner batty.

Anyway, what else is someone who is completely fed up with their job supposed to do but take a "me" day. Which is exactly what I did. I took Tim to work, slept until noon, and then spent the rest of the day desperatly searching for a new career. Or a job. Or, at this point, anything that pays just about any amount of money to get me out of that horrid store, or as I like to refer to it, the twilight zone.

I haven't felt this good since I started that job. It's amazing how good it feels to not show up for a job you hate, knowing you'll still receive a full paycheck at the end of the week. Thank goodness for benefits!

Well, I'm off to enjoy the rest of my day with two of the boys who make my life so darn awesome.

back in the swing of things

I don't know if it's the cooler breezes here, or the start of school, but I'm feeling very settled.

The boys are loving their new school. They've both made a ton of new friends and their teachers have been extremely nice to them. Come to think of it, everyone we've met so far here has been incredible. Because of the weather here, they get to eat lunch outside every day and spend a great deal of time outdoors as well. And the view from their school is absolutely amazing! I'll have to take some pictures of it because it's breathtaking.

Personally, I'm liking it here, my job sucks, again, but what else is new on that front. I'm really missing my old store and everyone there. I was really spoiled there with a boss that worked and coworkers who actually knew what they were doing. This new store is a mess. Plain and simple. My new boss is only there a few days a week, no one knows the policies, and everyone just sort of goes along in their day counting down the minutes until their shift is over. We have entire sections without product on them, nothing is where it goes, and I don't think that store has been truly straightened in a very long time. To top it off, I'm expected to get in there and clean everything up! I can do it, I've done it before, but honestly, for what I'm making I don't have the motivation to do it again. I'm sick of being the bad guy. So, the search is on for a good ol' office job. One with regular hours, no weekends, and (most importantly) no holidays.

Well, that's it from the west coast, it's creeping up on my bedtime here and I need to spend some quality time with a certain man in my life.

Goodnight!