Saturday, September 22, 2007

i wanna be a real boy

So, in my household, holidays are planned, long before the actual. . . . you know, holiday. I can easily tell you, at this very instant, what will be gracing my table on Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and yes, even Christmas. It's been planned out for months already. There is very little wiggle room with adjustments, and very little that I haven't thought about. In fact, the only "wiggle room" I've allowed for myself is a few dishes I can add if I happen upon something that just sounds too good to pass up as the events draw closer.

And while I may not have purchased a single gift, yet, I can tell you with pristene certainty what exactly I am getting everyone on my list for the upcoming season, how much it will cost, and just about what I want the packaging that contains my hidden treasures to look like.

This little. . . . quirk. . . of mine can get me into a lot of trouble at times. Like take for instance this upcoming Halloween. I've been paroozing the sites, looking at all there is to see in the way of costumes for the boys for months now. In fact, I started looking so long ago that I actually had to WAIT for sites to catch up with me. Finding a cute costume that was in stock was nearly impossible, they were still sold out from LAST YEAR. But anyway, back to the point. . . . So, I've been searching for those perfect costumes for a long time now, and I finally found some awesome things for both the boys.

Now, I'm sure you're thinking, "Okay, what's so wrong with that?" or "How in the world could that get you in to a lot of trouble?" But it has. . . Oh has it. Have you ever tried to convince your soon-to-be-nine-year-old son that he just has to be a wizard because he'd just be the "cutest darn wizard there ever was." Or try to convince your newly independent, free thinking kindergartner that he has to be Pinnochio because I found the cutest darn costume, complete with the strings! The strings I tell you! You know, Pinnochio - puppet - puppets have strings. Yeah, it doesn't go over so well. Because. . . . well . . . . these little humans that I've created, that I've brought into this world, went and developed their own minds, and their own ideas, WITHOUT TELLING ME!!!So here I am, trying to convince my children to wear these stupid costumes just because of some preconceived picture I have in my head. Something about them being the hit of the Costume Parade at school, or winning the annual costume contest held downtown every year. Yeah, I actually found myself trying to reason with my children, bribe them even, into wearing these damn costumes. Now tell me that isn't a little sad, and a LOT pathetic. And you know the worst part, they have agreed to do it! And while I'd like to tell you that I am completely mortified with the thought, in and of itself, that's only a small part of how I am feeling. A part of me (granted, it's a teeny tiny part) is so happy that my plan for the event will go exactly the way I want it to go. But the guilt, oh the guilt. . . it's overwhelming. I never wanted to be 'that' mom. The mom that tries to control all aspects of my children's lives. That doesn't let them be who they want to be, do what they want to do, or at the very least, pick out their own darn Halloween costumes!

Now, I know in the grand scheme of things, one halloween with me controlling everything, really isn't a big deal. Especially since the kids are now both thrilled beyond words with their pre-arranged attire. But could someone please tell that the the Guilt? It just won't stop.

Is it too late to re-convince my children that being whatever they want is just fine with me? Or will that just reiterate in their tiny little heads the fact that their mother is insane?

This hyper-organized, super child like excitement I have have for all things holiday/festive activity related is a curse I tell you, a curse!