Friday, April 25, 2008

living in limbo

I swear, that title so describes my life for the past. . . . four months. Or at the very least, the last two months.

Since Tim lost his job things have been strained to say the least. Money is tighter than tight, stress levels are through the roof as we count every penny (something neither one of us is used to) and budget every dime. We're coming up in the end of the month with no idea where we're going to come up with rent for May. And, even if we are able to scrape together the funds for a roof, we start the vicious cycle of the monthly bills once again. The same bills I was just able to pay off for this month. My job isn't enough, and we are fighting not only an uphill battle, but an upstream battle as well. It's a terrible spot to be in.

On the lighter end of things, Tim has even more job prospects in the works. Lately, we've been throwing around the idea of him starting his own business as a Web Designer. He's super talented in the field and it could lead to a great income. Not to mention the vast lot of small businesses around that really need a decent website. However, starting up a business takes money. Money that could go to cover our bills. That could buy us another month in this apartment. But, even if it did, there's still a very real chance that we'd be out in June anyway. It's a thin, thin line and the thought of stepping over either side enough to send me into a panic.

Starting a new business is risky. On the one end, he has a proposal ready for one company (who approached him), and is working on another for a local restaurant with a terrible website. We're pretty sure (not to jinx anything of course . . . . knock on wood) that the first one is in the bag. Which would give us enough money to cover the rent, bills, and any start-up costs we will have. However, if the other businesses aren't as willing to fork over the money for a new site, then we could find ourselves in the exact same predicament we are in now.

But, if we use the money he may get from the first site redo, and cut our losses here, in search of a bigger town with better job prospects, we could come out ahead. Then again, moving (especially out of state) is expensive. Not to mention the cost of rent and security deposits, that we'll have to pay when we settle on a new home. This option is quite risky. However, if I've learned anything in life it's that risk is necessary to survive. Then again, I have to wonder if this is just our way of running away from our problems. Neither one of us is particularly happy in this tiny town. While my job is going really well, it still isn't enough to support us until Tim can find something. We've known people who have been without a job for 12 months or more already. The job market across the nation sucks and it's super hard in a small town like this one. Especially with new people moving in every. single. day.

Oh, and lets not forget my job. It's going really well. Except for the 55 mile trip I have to make every day to the new store. I'm being promoted to a management position, in hopes of having my own store in the next two or so years. Things couldn't be better in that category. The long trek to work every day is actually a beautiful one. I drive down A1A for most of it. And for those who don't know, A1A follows the entire eastern coast, right along the ocean. So the views are spectacular. It's calming and peaceful and serene. A great way to start and end any day. But, when you take in to consideration the cost of gas ($3.62/gallon) and the fact that I drive a huge SUV, the trip loses a bit of it's charm.

Not to mention, that a move, in this stage of the game, could completely undo everything I've worked so hard for, over the past year. I'm not sure how job transfers work with this company. I have the skills, which should transfer no matter where I go. However, the idea of working from the bottom, again, when I'm so close right now, is a little overwhelming. But, like I said before, at the end of the day, my job alone just isn't cutting it. We need more.

Okay, so I started this post in the hopes of getting my ideas in order. Getting them all out there, in an easy to read format, in the hopes of making the decision process easier. Looking back over things now, I'm still where I was when I started. Totally clueless.

I have no idea where we'll be in the months to follow. If we'll find a way to make it work here, or if we'll be off on a new adventure.

Hell, we may even end up traveling across the country and starting all over with Tim's mom in tow. But that's a completely different story for another time. . . .

For now, all I know is that no matter where we end up, we'll be doing what we think is best for this little family of ours. And in the end, things will work out.


The Immortal Woman said...

It will work out, you are right, one way or another! The fates have a way of taking us to the limit, stretching the rubber band to the point that you think it is about to snap ... It is a wonderful life, if you just don't weaken! I have faith that when the right choice finally presents itself, you will know it! You are a pretty amazing woman! Love ya!