Sunday, December 07, 2008

still alive, sorta

So sorry I haven't been around lately.

Things here have gone from bad to worse and the stress level here at home is almost unbearable. My mother-in-law is sucking us dry, money-wise, and emotionally as well. She's constantly begging us for money for one thing or another, so much so that since we've moved in, Tim has handed over every single one of his paychecks to her. Every. Last. Cent. And it still doesn't make her happy. Now, we've put our foot down. Christmas is around the corner and by god, nothing is going to keep us from giving our children a Christmas to remember. They come first, after all.

So, now we're not talking to her, she's not talking to us and when she does say something it's just all about her and how sick she is and how miserable she feels.

Like for example: the other night, she was back and forth from the garage to her room, doing laundry. She swears she walked out of her room with a (tiny) basket, tears streaming down her face, and that Tim and I just looked at her, not bothering to ask if she needed help.

I remember the basket, I remember her carrying it, but I didn't see a single tear. Neither did Tim.

On top of that, she's a grown freakin' woman, if she needs fucking help, she needs to ask for it. We aren't mind readers for crying out loud.

Anyway, on top of all that, it's almost like she's bound and determined to suck the Christmas spirit out of anyone who lives here. This is my most favorite time of year. I love everything about it. And while I'm usually horrible at handling stress, this kind of stress doesn't usually bother me. I thrive in it.

This year however, I've been nauseous for over a week. Sicker than anything for the last four days, and on most days it's hard for me to remember it's even Christmas.

Tim is working six days a week right now, so even though he tries to be, he isn't much help. When he comes home he's so exhausted that I step into the caregiver role and take care of him. Regardless of how I'm feeling. He's way stressed, in fact it's probably a lot worse on him than on me.

Case and point, I'm just sick of this whole thing. I'm sick of this living situation. I'm sick of the bitch that lives with us. I'm sick of being sick. I'm sick of watching my dear husband work his ass off and still feel like he's not doing enough for his family. I'm sick of his mother telling him that his job isn't good enough because it isn't in technology, where she thinks he should be, even though this job makes him happy when technology didn't. I'm sick, and I'm tired, and I just want this whole thing to end. I want my mother-in-law to move out. I want my husband back. I want to feel like it's okay to come home. I want my kids to be happy. And I just want it to feel like Christmas again.


Amber said...

April, I'm so sorry it's been so bad; I hope you guys find the strength to tell her to move out; you don't owe her a miserable life, you just don't, no matter how sick she is. no matter whose mother she is. She can go somewhere else if she's going to be so unpleasant.

I hope you get well soon, both emotionally and physically. Give yourself a break as much as you can, do things solely for you or for you and Tim whenever possible. And let you and your kids comfort one another.


The Immortal Woman said...

I wish I could come up with something clever to make it all seem as if it were not so gloomy. All I can tell you is that no mater what you do or tim does, she ain't going to be happy. Happy starts inside with a soul. And some of God's creatures, like the one in your house, do not have souls and are not capable of happy. Don't let her kill off your joy, your smile has always lit up the room, it breaks may heat to think you are not smiling.