happy, merry. . . . everything.

Wow, it's 2010 already?  I don't even remember passing Thanksgiving, let alone Christmas and New Years!!

But alas, they did pass, didn't they?!!  Our holidays were quiet but perfect.  We stayed home and celebrated with our little family of four, plus two fur babies.  It was nice.  The kids were spoiled beyond repair and, for once, there was no bickering or drama that a certain relative used to cause.

I did find myself, once again, longing for Ohio and the chaos that a big family holiday causes.  I spent many hours day dreaming about what next Christmas will hold and the festivities I cannot wait to host.  Ten years away from home has been more than enough.  Next year will be HUGE!

2010 came in like a lamb.  Again, we were here at home, begging the dear children to "just go to sleep already" so Tim and I could celebrate the start of our 10th (GASP) year together in peace.  It's too soon to say how I think 2010 will turn out but so far, it has promise.  I have lots of plans for the upcoming year, as I've mentioned about a million times, and I'm hopeful.  Of course, I'm old enough to realize that no year goes by drama and angst free but I am hoping that it's kept to a minimum this year.  

Even years are really hit or miss with me and I can't help but have that little fact playing in my head.  Not sure what I'm talking about?  Here I'll give you the brief rundown:

1998 - Bob was born - Good Year!

2000 - Left Ohio and moved in with my dear Timmy - Good Year!

2002 - Bumpo was born. - Good Year!

2004 - Tim lost his job, marking the end of our six figure salary - Bad Year.

2006 - Our house burned down, killing our sweet cat, Dori - Bad Year.

2008 - We moved to California and started living with Tim's mom - Bad Year.

2010 - Not sure what this year holds, but if history holds true, I'm due for a good one!

Hope everyone can look back, twelve months from now and have something positive to reflect back on.   

And, as for my new years resolution:  I resolve to start posting on this blog a lot more frequently.  

where i've been

So things around here have been rather quiet for a while now. Granted, in my opinion, things have been quiet for at least the last year but these last few months have been especially vacant.

I think I've come to the point where I hate this blog. I need something new. I need something fresh. My own domain. My own design. Just something. . . . different. I've been talking about redoing things around here for a long time now and I just haven't had the time. In my ideal world, my very competent Timmy would whip up a new blog design for me in fifteen minutes. However, the thing about web design is that it isn't fast. Even the simplest site can take some time. Add on a very opinionated, passionate, indecisive and picky me and the whole process is a WHOLE lot harder for my poor Tim. The truth of the matter is I'm not sure what I want. I am sure of what I don't want but, really, that so doesn't help. I'm not sure what I want to name this thing. I look around on the web and see so many awesomely named blogs. I want my blog to be one of those. I want to go places and do things with my new website. I just don't know how to get there. Yet nothing is coming to me. My creative juices have completely dried up, I think.

Okay, now that I've probably bored my two lone readers out there I think I'm done. Basically, I just stopped in to say that I haven't given up, I'm still around and I promise that something new and fabulous is in the works. I just don't know when exactly it will happen.

Until then, I'll really try to improve things around here. . . . promise.

why does change have to be so hard

I sit here tonight, a huge lump in my throat and yet, I can't figure out why.

Change is prominent in my life right now. Usually, I love change, I thrive from it, but tonight it's different. Tonight, I can't help but to feel the weight of it all on my shoulders, mainly my new career choice. Just a week ago, I was making way less money but I had a set schedule. A schedule that allowed me to be home in the evenings and there on the weekends for my children. That, is now gone. I'm back to working a crazy retail schedule that my new job requires of me. Tomorrow, I won't get home until midnight. MIDNIGHT! Luckily, Tim will be home with the children so it's not like they'll be with a babysitter. The good thing about this crazy schedule is that we can set it up so one of us is always home in the evenings with our boys. Why isn't that comforting to me? Why does the thought of spending the evening away from my boys tomorrow night hurt so badly? It's not like it's the first time. It won't be the last. And they're going to be in great hands. Maybe it's just the new situation of it all. Maybe it's just jealousy that I won't be the one there with my boys.

Or maybe it's something completely different. Maybe it's just that I don't know anyone at my new job. That here, I don't only have to worry about letting myself down or loosing my job (which, really shouldn't be a concern at all, I don't plan on doing anything that would ever cause me to loose my job) but I have to worry about Tim and his reputation as well. Or maybe, I really was an idiot to take this new job. I gave up a lot of clout and experience. People at my old job knew who I was, and they thought I was pretty great! Now? Now I start from scratch all over again. I was comfortable at my old job.

I have new friends to make. New people to impress. And, another ladder to climb. In my heart, I am pretty sure I made the right decision. However, nights like this, when I know I have a full day of training and grunt work ahead, have made me realize that sometimes, change isn't the best idea.

Hopefully, this isn't one of those times. . .

some new developments

So, after my last post, I had actually planned on writing the very next day about how bad things had gotten. A pity post, if you will. How we just found out that Tim's wages are going to be garnished because of his awful mother. How they are going to take 25% of his check to cover her debts and there was nothing we can do. I was also going to go on and on about how much I hate that woman, with the power of a thousand burning suns, even. Luckily, I was distracted for a few days. Or, maybe it was just depression that kept me from doing much other than eating an entire bag of M&M's and catching up on my soaps. Whatever.

The point is that a couple days can change everything. And it did.

I'd love to tell you that we don't have to pay the stupid money because of the stupid bitch that continues to terrorize our lives. But, we do. Luckily, we've tracked her down and are going to tell the people that be how to get in touch with her. So at the very least, we get to share the wealth this little burden is putting on our family. Hey, you take what you can get and roll with the punches, as the sayings go.

But, even better than that, are the events that transpired last week. As all of you know, I have been working for Big Brand Pharmacy for about two and a half years now. I make very little money for all that is expected of me. Especially considering these last few months I've gone from Shift Supervisor to this weird district position that has no title yet has the power to put 100+ miles on my car a day. The funniest thing about this position is that I get paid the exact same amount that I was being paid in Florida. Way under what I deserve.

Tim happens to work for a different Big Brand Pharmacy and his boss told him about some jobs that were available. Under his suggestion, I applied. Two days later I had an interview and then the very next day, (a Saturday I might add) I got a phone call telling me I got the job! Not only did this all happen really, really fast, but it was exactly what we needed.

I will be making $6 more an hour, I'll be working closer to home, and best of all we don't have to worry about making ends meet anymore. Heck, we may even be able to sign the kids up for some of them there organized sports we keep hearing about. Fancy.

And you know what? I don't hate that horrible creature who shall remain nameless. Why, you might ask? Because, hatred takes a lot of energy and she. . . . she just isn't worth it.

a day at knott's berry farm

(* * Updated to add: I will upload some photos tomorrow. After my trusty ol' mac has time to process my camera card contents at the flintstone speed it now runs at. * *)

It's a balmy Saturday morning and Tim, the boys, and I are in the car, on our way to a surprise location. The children are restless in the backseat as the long car ride and anticipation starts to wear on their little bodies.

Finally, after spending way too long in way too many traffic jams, we veer off of the congested LA freeway and enter the home stretch. As we make our way through Korean Town, the kids begin to become suspicious as signs for Disneyland fill their sights. Little do they know that we have a different destination in mind.

Ten minutes later, we pull up in front of a huge silhouette of Snoopy as a voice from the loud speaker from some godly location above, welcomes us to the very first amusement park ever. The kids are ecstatic and our day of fun is just beginning.

And it was fun. Lots and lots of fun. We celebrated many firsts yesterday. The boys experienced their very first amusement park in California, their first roller coaster, and got to see their first live Extreme Sports show.

We learned that Bumpo (who is only seven) is much braver than his ten year old brother. We also learned that Bob isn't afraid to conquer his biggest fears. We learned that it is possible to spend $50 on a pizza dinner and still be hungry. And that eating said pizza, and then going on a roller coaster that straps you in by your waist isn't the best idea.

We celebrated our vacation, and Bob's return, and the end of summer, and the new school year ahead. We looked back on our first year in California with fond memories and made plans for our remaining year here.

And most importantly, we logged many hours of quality family time at that rustically beautiful theme park.

It was a fantastic day.

change

This time of year always gets me thinking about my life. Where this year has taken us so far, what is still to come, and all the coulda shoulda's that I've promised myself countless times to leave well enough alone.

This year is no different.

As the weather turns cooler outside, I can't help but think of all the things that have happened for my little family so far this year. My dear boys have been through so much and you know what, they've been awesome about all of it. They lost a grandparent this year. A grandparent who, when she was at her best, was amazing to them. Someone who, made my boys smile and laugh and, once upon a time, she made them happy. Sadly, all of that went downhill so fast that I'm not sure they've even had time to process it. How do you explain to your children it wasn't anything they did to make their grandmother go crazy? How do you reassure them that they didn't do anything wrong? That they didn't make this happen? That you can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves? The answer is time and love - - unconditional love. With those two things, anything is possible. I know it sounds cheesy but it really is the truth. I know my boys are much better off without ha toxic human being in their lives. I know I did the right thing be removing them fully from that terrible situation. But I still wonder how this is going to affect them (all three of them) in the long run.

The boys start school on the 25th of this month. Another new school, another new group of friends to make. My dear Bumpo has been to a different school each year since he's started. This isn't what I wanted for him, for them. I want them to have structure. I'm hoping that's what they get when we move to Ohio. I want to finally settle down, buy a house, and raise my little family. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my life. I love the adventure we've been on for the last nine and a half years. But the time has come to slow things down. Which I guess is why I'm looking forward to our move next summer so much.

I love this time of year. The last calm week before the chaos of school, events and holidays begin.

It's a great time for reflection. To plan our next step. And a mighty big one it will be. . . .

my damn tooth

. . . . Well, actually it isn't my tooth, it's the entire right side of my mouth, is KILLING me! Right around the age of 17, I was diagnosed with TMJ. Luckily, most of the time this really isn't a big deal, however when it acts up (like it currently is) it causes immense amounts of pain. Think impacted molar kind of pain. Except worse, worse because there is absolutely no way to cure it except time and lots and lots of tylenol.

Needless to say, this little development, has made sleep these last few nights non-existent. And, just in time for a major review for our district. Meaning, I'm working 8-12 hour days, only to come home, dose up on meds, and fall asleep on the couch before the prime time shows start. Only to wake up around midnight in more pain than should be allowed and spend my remaining dark hours trying everything possible to drift back to sleep.

This isn't good. I'm falling asleep on the way to work, on the way home from work, when I'm stuck in super suck ass traffic, hell, if I thought I could get away with it, I'd climb up on the back counters in each of my lovely pharmacy visits and take a short nap there.

Hopefully this pain subsides in the next few days. If not, I don't know what I'll do, except maybe hurt the next doctor that tells me there is nothing he can do except prescribe some "heavy duty" pain pills to me. Ummm, hello, do you know what I do for a living? I know all about those heavy pain killers. I also know all about dependency on said drugs. That mixed with my family history of substance abuse. . . . . not worth the risk!!! I'll die before I become one of those people. The kind I see every flippin' day, going from one pharmacy to the next, begging someone to take pity on them and "please fill this oxycontin script, just this one last time".

Yeah thanks. . . . but no.

a rough week

So, we had an unexpected problem this past week. Jacob, stole some money from me, went across the street to buy a soda, (during a time when he was supposed to remain in the house, I might add), and accidentally spilled said stolen soda all over my dear mac.

Now, you may remember. . . . actually, I'm not sure if I ever mentioned it. . . . anyway, a few years ago, I made the mistake of trying to type on the same computer and drink a glass of orange juice at the same time. Anyone who knows me knows where this story is about to go. . . I ended up spilling about half a glass of very pulpy orange juice in to a very open computer. I thought it was a goner for sure. But, to my surprise, after Tim snatched it out of my hands, ripped the battery out, and turned it upside down to dry for a week or so, it worked. That was the day I became a mac customer for life, I might add.

Well, the other day was a little different. This time, we weren't there when the spillage happened. To make matters worse, Jacob didn't bother to tell us he had spilled anything on the computer. Nor did he bother to try to clean it up. He just hid my dear mac and went on about his day as if nothing had happened. A few hours later, I noticed my poor apple, shoved into a corner, covered in a syrupy substance. Then, when I went to pick it up, the same brown liquid oozed from the vents on the bottom of the computer. I don't think I've ever been so mad at my son in my entire life. It wasn't just the fact that he had, quite possibly, destroyed a $4000 computer, but that, coupled with the fact that he lied, and stole, and then didn't have the courage to own up to his mistakes, put me over the edge. Luckily, Tim was there and stepped in to take care of the situation. He once again set the computer up to air out for a few days.

Today, we attempted to restart dear abused mac, and to both of our surprises it works like a charm!!! Jacob was so happy, he started crying and I wasn't far behind. The idea of loosing six years of photos was devastating to me. Not to mention all the hard work we've done on our sites is on here, not backed up anywhere else. If I needed a wake-up call, that was it. I'm heading out in about a month to buy a new mac, (not that I don't love this one but because of the torture it's had to endure, the cd drive doesn't work anymore) and start backing up all the important information we have stored on this puppy. That way, when this dear baby does decide to go, it won't be such a devastating blow to me, my children, or Timmy.

Here's hoping she sticks around for years to come, and that her final death will be one of old age, and not some other sugary, acidy substance seeping it's toxic liquid into her beautiful, yet abused, body.

slow going

I wish this was the post where I proudly announce the launch of my new website. Sadly, however it's been rather slow going. Between my schedule and Tim's I haven't had much time to work on it what-so-ever. In a lot of ways, I'm beginning to feel like the shoemaker's daughter. Except, you know, different.

I have this super talented computer programmer, here, in my very own home. Yet, I can't get him to help me with a very simple website. Granted, it isn't because he isn't willing to help, it's just that we never seem to see each other anymore. Makes planning a new site a bit tough.

But hang in there, it will happen. Just not as soon as my impatient heart would like it to.

coming soon

So, over the past few days I've been thinking a lot about this here blog o' mine. And. . . . . I've decided. . . . it's time for a change. A BIG change. Things around here have gotten a bit boring, a bit plain, and I'm just not. . . happy here anymore. The e-mail address I use to log into this blog doesn't even exist anymore, I hate the name, my recipe site hasn't been updated since sometime in 2007 and even when I log in to type up a post I get so side-tracked by everything I want this blog to be that I can't even write. Yep, it's definitely time for something new.

So, currently I am in the very, VERY early stages of launching my own website, my own blog. A place where I can have photos, a blog, recipes, and God only knows what else, all on one site, together, and super simple to use. Thanks to my brilliant Timmy, the web genius, it shouldn't take too long before the launch date is set. I'll keep you updated.

what a week

This has probably been the. longest. week. ever!!

It all started on Monday, Memorial Day, when we woke up to no water. Thanks to a lovely neighbor who tried to upgrade his water softener himself, he broke the emergency shut-off valve rendering us and two other neighbors completely waterless.

Fast-forward two days later and our water finally returned. About that same day, after we were all good and smelly, Bumpo came down with a bad case of croup. Now, I've posted about his previous battles with this horrible virus so you can imagine how excited we were to have this darn thing return after a two-year absence from our lives. Two emergency room trips later and he's resting comfortably with a prescription of prednisolone (by the way, I loathe prednisolone, it has horrible, horrible side effects) and a two-day pass from school. Which, that in and of itself, created a ton of stress. Tim called out one day, I got the other.

Because I called out on Friday, I got to make up my lovely shift today in my home store (the same store I haven't had a full shift in since. . . . January) today, which just so happened to be inventory day. Talk about fun. A full day of counting, arguing with the inventory company, and worst of all, every big wig in the district at my store. I haven't been that stressed in months! But the end result was good, we did really well and only have 1.66% shrink. Which is awesome, the lowest in the district. Which should make our district manager a little less upset over the fact that my store also has the worst customer service scores in the entire region. Yeah, like I said I haven't been there since January.

So anyway, that was my wonderful week. Looking back, it really is just life, nothing life-shattering or super horrible. Nothing to really complain about, and actually, even with everything that happened, it's so much better than any moment I spent in the same house with that horrible woman, Tim's "mother".

i got an award. . .

. . . . not that I truly deserve one. Things around here have been rather. . . . boring?. . . .bleak. . . lately. In my head I have all these great ideas for awesome revisions I want to make to this blog. I would love to hire someone to custom design one for me. My head is chock full of wonderful writing topics, and I really don't have any intentions on giving this up anytime soon. I think about things to post while I'm at work, or while I'm in the car driving the kids to their latest destination. The writers block is gone, now all I need is time. At the end of a twelve hour day it's hard to do anything but veg on the sofa and pray that a dinner fairy will descend upon my house and do the laundry, fix dinner, and maybe even entertain the kids for a few minutes. But I digress. . . .

Kracker (?) over at KrackerBarrell has decided that I am worthy of an award, and for that, I thank her lots. She's awesome and she can bake. And bake up a storm she does. Now if I could just convince her to send one of her heavenly concoctions to me here in CA I'd be set. But seriously, she is an awesome woman and just so happens to be the mother of my favorite niece (sorry Deuce) and nephew.

So without further adieu, here are my 8's:

8 Things I'm Looking Forward To:

1. Moving to Ohio to be closer to family.

2. Buying a house.

3. Upcoming promotions at work.

4. Having another baby (if I can make it happen.)

5. Saturday, it's my day off. Ahhhh, SLEEP!!

6. Getting completely unpacked here.

7. Getting the things in the old house finally moved into storage.

8. Moving on with my life and finally being able to put the last six months behind me for good.

8 Things I did yesterday:

1. Got up at an ungodly hour and worked for twelve hours.

2. Still managed to have energy after work so I went to the laundromat and did some laundry. (We don't have w&d hook-ups here, so the laundromat will be my home for the next year while my perfectly awesome HE w&d take a break and live in storage)

3. Spent a lot of time thinking about my brother and how he has completely ruined his life, over something so stupid.

4. Took my wonderful little boys out to dinner.

5. Watched a little too much television. (As the World Turns, Guiding Light, My Boys, and The Hills) Don't know what I'd do without my dvr.

6. Sat up with Tim until too late in the night just enjoying his company. We haven't had too much time together lately with my crazy schedule.

7. Surfed the web, trying to decide on which vacuum cleaner to buy.

8. Spent some time with the kitties who live here. They really are pretty sweet.

8 Things I wish I could do:

1. Have another baby without all the hassles I've been going through these last few years.

2. Convince Tim that he will be happy in Ohio.

3. Order a new mom for Tim. Maybe then he'd stop being so hard on himself for stuff that isn't his fault.

4. Take the entire family on an awesome vacation to Hawaii this year. My parents could use the time away.

5. Convince Bob that lying really is the root of all evil. It leads to bad, bad things. I know he hears me, but he just doesn't get it.

6. Help my brother realize that there really are consequences for your actions and that soon mommy and daddy won't be able to bail him out. Then rewind time.

7. Convince my boss that I really do deserve a humongous raise and to stop dicking me around about it.

8. sew. (I'm such an embarrassment to my poor mother!!)

8 Shows I watch:
1. The Big Bang Theory

2. Two and a Half Men

3. My Boys

4. Psych

5. Monk

6. How I Met Your Mother

7. As the World Turns

8. Guiding Light (at least until Sept. when it's canceled. 73 years on the air, it just isn't fair!!)

Okay, so there is my list. Now I need to get off of here and get some dinner because that took entirely too long.

I will post my eight recipients in the next few days.

Until then, enjoy!!

back on the bandwagon

Just when everything in my life seems to be getting better, I can't help but to find something to be upset about. I'm having a very Eeyore kind of day and I'm hating myself even more for it.

I'm so close to finally being away from my crazy mother-in-law, back to it being just the four of us, as it should be. After much worry, we found a place that we can not only afford, but it also allows us to save super amounts of money so that by this time next year, we'll own our own house. I've even gotten Tim to agree to consider owning said house in Ohio. Things are good. During a time in our nation where job certainty is iffy at best, Tim and I have stable jobs. We may not make the most money in the world but our careers aren't going anywhere, in fact, I'm probably getting another promotion, which will make two in the last six months for me. We're lucky in that respect. In a lot of respects actually. We have two healthy children, a solid relationship full of love and admiration (even after nine years together), a roof over our heads, and the aforementioned job security.

So why in the world am I beating myself up over what I don't have? The baby card has reared it's ugly head again. Every where I turn, people are either having babies, pregnant for the fourth or fifth time, and I'm still here, remembering the last baby they had, a pregnancy that I was just as jealous about, two or three years ago, because I too was trying to get pregnant THEN!! Fast-forward a few years later and they are planning yet another birth and I'm still sitting here. . . . waiting. . . . waiting for my little miracle. Every day you see in the news about some ungrateful mother who gave birth to a baby that she didn't want, later to throw it in a dumpster or drop it on the side of the road, or any other number of horrible things.

We were at Souplantation the other night and there was this family of eight there. Two "parents" and six children. The children ran around the restaurant like little hellions, while the parents sat there and acted like they had no children at all. They ignored these beautiful kids that were trying so desperately to get their parents attention, only to be told to leave them the hell alone whenever one of them would penetrate the "no children" wall their parents had created around them. That kind of thing makes me sick. It makes my uterus ache. Why is it that these families, people who can get pregnant by drinking out of same glass, don't value what they have? They act like children are inconveniences, sent to this earth to destroy their happiness. It's just so not fair!!!!

All I want to know is when will if be my turn?!! Will I get another turn?

I have to hope that the answer to those questions is soon and yes because I seriously don't think I could handle anything else at this point.

so, today is my birthday.

And so far it's been wonderful. No natural disasters, no crazy people blowing up buildings or crazy sieges, no home fire aftermath, no loss of any jobs. It's been a nice change. Sure, we're in the middle of many big changes, not to mention yet another move (I'll post something soon about all of the stuff that's been going on lately) but things are rather calm this year, relatively speaking.

However, I couldn't go unscathed either, that just isn't allowed. A few days ago, Tim came down with these weird blisters all over his back. We had no idea what they were and didn't think much of it at first. Yesterday, there were more blisters along with intense itching. Still not to alarmed, he's had vaccinations for measles, he's already had chicken pox, and he's really too young for shingles. Then, today came the fever, headaches, backaches and so on. After doing a quick search on Dr. Google we're pretty sure that he does, in fact, have another case of the good ol' chicken pox.

Bumpo hasn't had them yet, which means he'll surely be next on the list to get them. I'm worried that I'll get them again, although I already had them when I was seven, my immune system totally sucks right now, leaving the gates wide open for an infection (or infestation, depending on your point of view).

Just what I always wanted for my birthday, a highly contagious virus. Not exactly what I meant by a break from work.

on the work front:

I get to do something tomorrow that, although it is part of my new job title, still sucks major ass.

I get to fire someone. Someone who I personally share no love for. She is mean, she makes the work environment hostile, and worst of all she's trying to undermine me and my position.

I have been lucky enough to have two different store managers let me know of her behavior. To basically tell me that she is vying for my job. About how she takes her lunch break to rag on my team and how inept she thinks we are. How she can do my job, and everyone else's better and faster and more efficiently. She thinks it's her job to boss my team around. To go out of her way to insult each and every one of them. From the very first day she joined my team she did her best to alienate herself. She works alone. She looks down her nose at the rest of us. And tomorrow it will end.

My team is great. My team gets nothing but compliments when we are at these stores. I have the hardest store manager on my weekly schedule and she loves us. She thinks we're doing a great job. I'm not worried about my job security. I'm not worried that I'll loose my job. That isn't why I have to get rid of her tomorrow. I have to let her go for the benefit of the rest of my team. For the unprofessional behavior she continues to exhibit (she's actually made another team member of mine cry). I don't have time to babysit. I don't have time to fix everything she's trying to wrong. Basically, I don't have time for someone who is doing her best to make my daily job hell. I was told today, by an unbiased store manager to get rid of her. To get her off my team because her kind of attitude breeds evil. Granted, I knew that and thought the same thing, it was just finding a way to go about it that had me stumped.

Not anymore. Tomorrow will be her last day. No matter how much I dislike her, I'm still dreading what the new dawn will bring. It's never easy to let someone go. Add to that the way the economy is right now, and it makes this job ten times harder.

However, I'd rather loose one person than have the rest of my team slowly drop off, one by one, as she eats them alive.

a couple weeks later, not much has changed.

So, here we are a couple weeks after my last post and yet nothing has really happened.

Since last time, Tim and I decided that we shouldn't be the ones to move out of this house. We can pay the bills, our kids are in a good school, and another move right now would be horrible for them. We've also decided that we are not going to give her any extra money. We can only afford what we told her so that's what we're offering. We wrote this all out, in a nice letter, and gave it to her. It seems a little childish to do it that way but with our schedules, and the fact that Debby tries to dominate any conversation we have with her, we felt it was the only way to be heard.

She hasn't talked to us since. We don't know what her plan is. If she plans to ride on our coattails until the end of the lease (which we will not allow), or if she has plans to move out by the end of the month. It's been interesting to say the least. We come and go as we please, not saying much to the woman who has taken up residence in the master bedroom. Oddly, it has been much more calming than having to deal with her at all. The kids are happier, I'm happier, and Tim isn't always that thin line. Not wanting to burden his family with his psycho mother, but not wanting to completely drop her either. She, I'm sure, is stewing. Waiting for the right time to approach us once again for money we don't have. She'll blame her entire situation on us once again and we'll do yet another battle. But for now things are calm. Things are quiet. But I can't help but wonder if this is just the calm before another massive storm. Yet another battle, when I'm still so darn tired from battles past. Yet this one I hope is different. I can't help but to dream of the day when we are free from the burden that is his mother. Free of her condescending ways, free of her pity parties. I long for the day when my children don't cringe when they see her car in the driveway. When Tim is able to spend his days off, in his home, instead of elsewhere trying to avoid an unnecessary battle. Right now, those are my dreams. Unfortunately, it's gonna take a huge blow-up storm to make any of that happen.

And to think, I was told hurricanes don't happen here in California.

conflicted

This past week has proven to be quite difficult. A lot of things have gone wrong and I'm still not quite sure what to do about them.

From the beginning of this "California Journey" I knew things would be difficult. Impossible even. Especially when you add my mother-in-law into the equasion. She's a difficult woman all on her own. Anyway, from day one we told her what we could and could not afford. We were told that she would be covering her portion of the bills. That we wouldn't have to worry about supporting her. Well, six months into things and she is completely out of money. All of the bills are in her name and it turns out that she was using her credit cards to pay them, then coming to us to collect the money. So, she's up in arms with us because she now has unbelivable interest on her accounts, her ex has ruined her credit - which caused her credit limits to drop, and she's basically screwed. First of all, Tim and I had no idea she was fronting all the bills on her CREDIT CARDS!!! How stupid is that anyway?!! On top of that, we always paid her back, what did she do with the money we gave her?!! There are a lot of unanswered questions. But the fact of the matter is that she can no longer pay her own way.

We live in a three bedroom house, in Southern California. Rent here is outragous. Not to mention water and the rest of the bills. She can't pay her way, Tim is afraid she's going to be living on the streets, and my children are looking at another move (a total of three) within a year. Everything is a real mess and I can't help but despise her for all of this.

We are probably going to move into a one or two (if we're super lucky) bedroom apartment (that alone runs about $1500 a month) and be squished together like sardines until sometime next summer. It's a bad situation. What's worse, is it's exactly what I was afraid of all those months before I was forced into making this move. It makes me sick to my stomach.

I hate that woman, I hate what she has done to my family, and I hate that my dear Timmy is stuck in the middle having to choose between his mother and his children. Because honestly, there is no choice. Which sucks for her.

where i have been:

Excuse #1:
I took a lateral promotion at work, meaning more work, more responsibility, but no better pay. With this promotion, I am up at the ass crack of dawn every day (4:00 a.m.) and work until about 2:30 p.m. Meaning I come home a tired mess. It's an awesome job though, don't get me wrong. I am now working for the district getting the stores ready for the new Long's conversion. My official title is something like Team Leader of Team A's Conversion/Plan-o-gram team. I don't have to be in my crappy store anymore, I get to work with a really awesome team of people and we basically go around to a different store in the district each day and do their plan-o-grams. When Long's start converting we will be in charge of training their employees and converting the stores over to our way of life. It's fun. I think I like it.

Excuse #2:
Along with the new promotion I've also been battling a weird kind of illness. Not quite sure what it is actually seeing as how I avoid doctors like nobody's business. Anyway, I've been coughing continuously every single day for the last two and a half weeks. Coughing so badly it causes me to throw up every single thing I eat. So, I'm basically living on Gatorade and Vitamin Water. Even when I do manage to eat something it makes me physically ill. My stomach hurts so bad it causes me to have problems breathing. (damn now that it's all typed out it seems more serious than I thought) And, no, before you suggest I am NOT PREGNANT. I think I've bought every test in every Target within a 20 mile radius of my house. All negative.

Excuse #3:
The children. When I am home and have enough energy to sit upright, I'm spending my time with them. We just got a new 14.2 mega pixel camera so I've been trying it out on them. Have a lot to upload just haven't found the time yet. We've been having a lot of fun though. Including a trip to San Francisco for the weekend and just yesterday we attempted to go to Ojai to see the snow.

Excuse #4:
The aforementioned San Francisco trip. Yeah that came on rather suddenly. Tim had a four day weekend, and I actually had a weekend off. So, we packed a bag and went to San Francisco for the weekend. It was so much fun. We didn't get to do everything we had planned but we did get to go on a boat tour under The Golden Gate Bridge, and around Alcatraz. We also tried out some awesome vegetarian restaurants and spent a great deal of time walking around Pier 39, stopping long enough to check out the amazing aquarium and to grab some "famous" San Francisco fudge and salt water taffy. The first day we got there the weather was amazing. We spent most of the day walking around downtown and getting our bearings. Second day, not so much. It was freezing with wind like you wouldn't believe. But we still made the most of it. Bundled up the kiddos and walked until we couldn't walk anymore. It was awesome.

Excuse #5:
We spent yesterday trying to figure out a way to get to the snow in Ojai. All the roads were closed off due to ice since it was raining. But it didn't stop us. We drove around for about four hours looking for a small access road up there but couldn't find one. Which in hindsight, was actually a blessing in disguise. Bumpo ended up getting pretty sick with breathing problems which would have been ten times worse by a day in the cold weather. So, we turned around, stopped at Target for some comfy snacks, headed home, threw on our pj's and spent the rest of the day watching blu ray movies on the couch. It was heaven.

stuff

I started a new job at work this week. My pharmacy bought out another pharmacy and as such, are going through a huge transition. We're getting the newly acquired stores ready for the full makeover. As such, I've been promoted. I now get to travel to all the already converted stores in the area, getting their plan-o-grams ready, training new employees, and making sure everything stays up to date. That way, the bigger big-wigs, can focus on the new stores. So far I love it. It's fun, the day flies by, I'm home by 3:00, and I'm out of the store I hated. Can't get much better than that.

In other news, here at home everything is going well. Bumpo's birthday is rapidly approaching and we're trying to decide what to do. Disneyland or a big bounce house and lots of children in the backyard. It's his decision, and he's taking full advantage of that, changing it daily.

I still hate the fact that my mother-in-law lives with us and am doing everything in my power to change that. Tim wants to wait until the end of our lease but I don't know if I can wait that long. I say buy out the lease, and move now. Peace of mind and getting rid of her is worth the extra money.

Sorry again for not being around much lately. Things have been busy and I haven't had much time to think let alone form functional sentences.

And, on that note, I'm going to go. I am so darn tied from work today, I think I'm going to go lay (lie?) down for a little while before Tim comes home from work.

not much to say

I've been in a funk lately. Not really depressed but stressed over things I can't change, yet anyway.

Sorry for being so quiet. Hopefully I'll find my voice soon.