It's Friday night and here I sit with an empty house all to myself. I was looking forward to this day. A day to myself. A day to do whatever in the world I want to do. Eat what I want to eat, finish reading my book, give myself a facial, and maybe go get my nails done. That was the plan.
Instead, I got on here a little while ago and read my friend's blog, there was a particular entry in there that struck me. She was writing about little moments that we have in our lives where you are just forced to sit back and realize just how wonderful your life is. Well, I am having one of those moments this evening.
I was sitting here at home, by myself, reading and having a good time enjoying my alone time. Well, eventually the book got boring, the facial seemed like too much work, and the idea of going anywhere held no appeal. Then I realized, I was completely and totally alone for the first time in such a long time and I was actually having a hard time finding something to fill my time. Bob's been gone for about three weeks, Bumpo is with the grandparents, and Tim is at work. What started out as a nice relaxing evening at home has now turned into a very boring night. There was a time not to long ago that this evening would have been filled by scrapping and cropping about the wonderful events that have happened in my life, but most of my stuff was lost in the fire. So now here I sit just thinking about all the wonderful things in my life.
I've never considered myself to be a traditional stay-at-home-mom. I wasn't going to be one of those moms who basically lost her identity in her family and just lived to take care of them. I've also been thinking for the past month or so that I need to find myself. I need to find something that I truly enjoy. So, tonight I was searching the internet trying to come up with a new hobby. I looked at quilting, knitting, and a few other hobby type things. In the end, I realized I had plenty of hobbies already. I love photography, scrapbooking, interior decorating, and cooking. I love taking pictures of my family, then preserving those memories in the best way possible. I love making a comfortable place for my boys to feel safe in. I also love cooking new and healthy meals for everyone. That's me. I don't need to find a new hobby, I need to become comfortable with there being a stay-at-home-mom and nothing else. I run across people all the time who say they would love to be able to do what I do. Granted, I also run across a lot of people who think doing what I do is just another way of saying I'm unemployed. Which I have to admit, I wondered the same thing for a while.
Tonight has been just another reminder that I really am lucky. There is nothing wrong with putting my family first. If I don't, who will? I am blessed every day with watching my kids grow. I don't have business deals that my kids have to compete with. I don't have a meeting that I can't reschedule. They never have to worry about looking out into a crowd and not seeing at least me there to cheer them on. They know that when they need something I'm here for them. Family is the one constant they will have throughout their lives. If that's not special, I guess I don't fully understand the definition of the word.
I guess some people may think I lead a boring mundane life. But I look at it as a wonderful journey where I get to star as the superhero for two amazing little boys by day, and a sex goddess for my husband by night. I have a great family. Who in their right mind wouldn't think that was enough???
Friday, June 23, 2006
Posted by April at 9:08 PM