Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Sun Burn is a Pain I Tell Ya!

I go through one bad sun burn an average of once a year. Each time, about half way through the first day I end up asking myself why I let it happen again. So this last time, I decided to keep a journal of what I went through so that next time I feel the urge to laugh in the face of my annoyingly smelly, bottle of SPF 40, I'll think twice. . .

Here is my horrific tale:

Nights #1 & 2:

  • Sunburn seems to have covered my arms, back, shoulders, and the tops of my chest.
  • Full of pain.
  • No one even think about touching me, in fact don't even come close.
  • Cancel all plans and forget going anywhere, the idea of putting on a bra is asinine.
Night #3:
  • 11:30 p.m. - Pain has subsided a little bit, but has been replaced by this unbelievable itching sensation. Oh my gosh, someone kill me now, or I'm going to go insane!!
  • 2:30 a.m. - After hunting through the medicine cabinet, emptying a can of antiseptic spray that promised to stop itching, and contemplating downing the entire bottle of my son's Singular for its histamine relief, I went to my sleeping husband to ask for help with the itching. He promptly turned me away furious that I would even think to ask him for help after I had made so much fun of him in my blog. Darn Karma
  • 4:30 a.m. - Searched the entire house for a brush, only to realize it sits in my car, outside. Found roundy scratchy brush designed for those complicated hair do's instead. Hyperventilated like I just won the lottery.
  • 4:35 a.m. - Went to town on my back with aforementioned scratchy roundy brush. Breathed in a sweet sigh of relief, then yowled at the top of my lungs until every dog in the neighborhood joined in.
  • 4:45 a.m. - Threw brush across the room like it's a telephone and I'm trapped in some terrible horror movie with the killer on the other end of the line telling me he's outside my door.
  • 5:00 a.m. - Pick discarded brush from floor and put in a safe place for the days to come. Even through the pain, this sweet beauty has made the itching stop, and helped me find the sleep I so desperately needed hours ago.
Day #4:
  • Sweet Jesus, forget the damn time stamps, the itching is back and with a vengeance. Where in the hell is that darn scratchy brush.
  • Find scratchy brush, lightly scratch back with it.
  • Repeat 15 minutes later with a little more force.
  • Put brush in a hard to reach location in fear of accidentally coming in contact with it again that day.
  • Wallow in the horrible pain my back is in, and then smack myself for creating it, yet again.
Day #5:
  • Tried my hand at putting on a bra for the first time since the burn.
  • Vowed to hurt the man who invented the darn thing and seriously contemplated going to the store without one.
  • Took one more look in the mirror at my huge, drooping chest, and decide against the no bra idea and in favor of the immense pain instead.
  • Got home from the store, discarded bra.
  • Looked high and low for scratchy brush since clothing irritated the heck out of my back while I was out.
  • Find brush, curse it for alluding me so.
  • Scratched back for three minutes straight until I almost saw the pain in my SON's eyes.
  • Basked in the sweet relief of the stinging mind numbing pain my back was in.
  • Repeated anytime I felt a twinge coming on.
Day #6:
  • Tried the bra thing one more time. Found it a little more bearable than the day before.
  • Carried brush around like a mastercard, never leaving home without it.
  • Scratched back when the mood struck. Middle of Target, dinner, in the middle of a romantic movie with Tim, whenever, didn't matter!
  • Stayed out extra long shopping and making good use of the money I'd saved by being at home for almost a week straight.
  • Periodically patted my purse to make sure that my Precious was still tucked safely inside.
Day #7:
  • Finally the itching has subsided.
  • Now I can scratch it with my fake nails and get some relief!
  • Removed roundy brush from my purse and actually use it on my head for a change.
  • Head out into the world like a normal girl once again!