Monday, March 17, 2008

and the party continues. . .

You know the saying "wait a day and everything will be different." or something to that effect? Well, I'm not buying it. Here we are five days after my last post, on St. Patrick's Day, of all days, and life still sucks.

Tim is no where closer to finding a job. The expenses keep pouring in. The car still needs gas. The kids still need food. Yet the income has seriously seen better days.

Tim and I are at each other's throats constantly. He swears he's looking for a job and I really want to believe him, and I do. However, me being on the other side of things, only sees what else he could be doing. How he should be following up on the contacts he's made. How he should be up at the crack of dawn ready to parooze the want ads, and the streets in search of that one job that's out there, waiting on him. In my eyes, finding a job for someone so talented should be easy. Because Tim is talented. Very talented. He just lacks confidence in himself. Then again, if he was as confident as I think he should be, he'd be quite impossible to live with. But seriously, where are all the freakin' jobs??

Tim does have two interviews lined up for tomorrow, and another one for Wednesday, but nothing promising. Nothing he's really interested in either. Jobs that will "do" until something better comes along. Something that will allow him to provide for his family the way he thinks he needs to. But, nothing that will make him happy. Make him excited to get up for work every morning. And that's what he deserves. That's what I want for him. The biggest fear I have in this life is having him wake up one day and decide that he's given up too much to make his family happy, to resent us.

Like I don't have enough to worry about right now. I have to go and create more "what if's" in my head. Lovely.

Okay enough with this damned pity party, because it really is pathetic. Plus, it's not accomplishing anything.

So, I'll end on something positive, Aunt Flo did come to visit after her very long vacation.

Now I'm left wondering what exactly I missed about her in the first place. . .

The cramps? The headaches? How about the endless bloodbath?

Or is it the hope that comes along with all the agony?

Yes, that's it. Hope. Hope in everything.

It's the only thing keeping me going at this point.