i have one screwed up family

Why is it that you don't quite realize how dysfunctional your own family is until someone dies? Then thoughts of going to said persons funeral lead to questions about feeling welcome, wheter it's really a good idea to attend the event, or to just send flowers expressing deepest sympathies.

My families problems started way back when I was very young. About one or two to be exact. My dad has two older children from a previous marriage and, well, they haven't always been the best of people. My brother, the baby making, woman marring, machine, doesn't have a good relationship with any of his children. I, personally, am only in touch with two of the five (who, by the way, turned into wonderful, wonderful, adults thanks to my lovely sister-in-law.) and have just recently made contact with the third (another one whom my sister-in-law took under her wing, my brother really was a fool to let her get away). The other two are off somewhere far, far, away (actually probably not that far) never to be heard from again.

My "sister" gives my brother a run for his title as a baby making machine. She is also addicted to drugs and alcohol, and dependent on the state to support her. When she was running low on money she'd pop out another baby to increase her paycheck. I'm pretty sure all of her children are grown now, so I guess I'm not quite sure how she's paying the bills. I haven't seen or spoken to her in years. My dad disowned her a long, long time ago. That in itself is a long discustiing story, nothing I really want to air here. Needless to say, my dad did the only thing he could do. My ex sis was/is toxic. My older brother also later stopped all communication with her, along with most of the people in my family. But, just because my dad chose to disown her, he still loved and worried all the time about her children.

On Friday, her oldest son died. From what we've heard through the grapevine, he had a seisure the day before, went home and was heard getting up to use the restroom. They heard him fall, tried to revive him to no avail. They think he died from a blood clot. This child had never had a good life. When he was little he got brain damage from a big wheel accident. You've already heard the stories about his mother, I don't know much about his father (hopefully he had some kind of support from him) the only person who really took him under her wing was my dad's ex-wife, his grandmother and she died years ago. Granted, all of this is heresay, I really don't know much for sure. What I do know though is that my dad is shaken, he is upset. I think one of his biggest regrets in life is not fighting harder to make sure those kids got good homes, either with us or someone else in the family.

Now the question looms, do we attend the funeral or leave well enough alone and just send flowers. My dad, I think, really wants to go to pay his last respects to his grandson. I've told him I'll fly back (hoping I can get a flight under $500) and go with him, along with Mark and my younger brothers. But still he hesitates. Partly because of his absence in Eric's life and his regrets, but also because even though they no longer speak, and haven't in years, he doesn't want to cause his first daughter anymore pain. After all, she did just loose a son.