Sunday, July 23, 2006

And I Thought I Knew You

An open note to myself:

Dear Self;

We've been down this road many times before and there comes a point when you have to say enough is enough. Maybe you were meant to be the mother of only two boys. Maybe a third child was never in the cards. Whatever the reason, you have to be happy with what you have and stop ripping yourself apart month after month, with all the negative pregnancy tests.

Maybe a third child is still in the cards, but right now just isn't the time. You, my friend, need to learn to be patient. I know it's not one of your strong suites but you must learn. Things in your life are so hectic right now anyway. Another baby would just add to that. Take some time, get things together, get your health in check, then maybe you can try again.

In all seriousness though, it's time to put this idea on the back burner for awhile. It's clear that it isn't meant to be right now. Every month you get your hopes up with a different symptom, and every month you have to face yet another negative test. Stop torchering yourself. In good time, my friend. In good time.

You're still young. What's the rush? Yeah, I know, you have this set plan in place and it's so hard to deviate from your life's plan, but you can do it. An extra year or so won't change things so drastically in the long run anyhow.

Use this time, get your self back on track and clear your mind and body from all the stress it's had to endure this year.

If a third child is meant to be, it will be. But like all things important, it will come in it's own time.