Friday, July 07, 2006

Feeling a Little Better

I've decided that it just isn't worth getting myself so worked up over this ridiculous situation with my jerk of an ex. Truth is, I can't make him care. I can't make him realize how incredibly wrong he is about this entire thing, I can't make him send the money, and I can't get him to see the amazing boy he's missing out on. Sure, I can tell him that he won't talk to his son, or see him until he sends me the money, but that won't mean anything to him. He already doesn't call that often, and he already saw him this year so it doesn't hold any merit as far as he's concerned. Plus, if I do that, what will it help? It is the only recourse I have at this point, but I'm not sure if it's a road I want to go down. How will I be any better than him if I do that? I know what he'd be missing out on, and I don't think I could wish that on anyone, not even him. Then again, maybe it would be for the best, because like I said, I can't make him care about Bob, and wouldn't it be better to get this over with now??

The weird thing, and the thing I'm having such a hard time remembering is, there was a time, not all that long ago, when I would have done anything for that "man". I loved him more than life itself. But I was young and so was he. And like most young relationships, people change. They grow into themselves, and often times discover that the things they were so sure they wanted as a teenager, really aren't the things they need. Such was the case with us. We met (when we were 15), dated for years, I got pregnant, we got married (thanks to the pressures of our parents), he started being unfaithful, I got sick of it, started talking to this great guy online (My Timmy), and then decided that my life with Scott wasn't what I wanted. I was completely unhappy. So I left and started over, new city, new state. Best decision I have ever made. It might have been a selfish one, but I also know that if I hadn't made it, things never would have gotten any better, which means Bob's life would have been miserable. Things happen for a reason. This was one of those things.

Unfortunately, now Scott is this new bitter person that I don't know, nor do I care to know. Some may say, he's bitter because of me, but the truth is, he's bitter because he chooses to be bitter. There's nothing I can do to fix that problem, it's his problem. There's also nothing I can do to make him be the father I know he's capable of being. All I can do, is be the best mom I can be and make sure Bob knows that Tim and I will always be here for him. Hopefully that's enough.