Friday, July 14, 2006

Looking Forward and Back Again

I just looked at the calendar and Bob only has 20 more days of summer vacation. Where does the time go? This summer doesn't seem like it was long enough to me. I'm not ready for structure yet. I'm enjoying sleeping in, spending lazy days at home lounging around in my pjs, or spending hours at the pool just because. But, sure enough, in 20 days that will all be over. I'll become the household taxi once again, never stopping until everyone is in their respective places, only to come home for an hour and then start all over again. I think I'm even going to sign Bumpo up for preschool this year. Bob never went, and I've always been anti-preschool, but he really, REALLY wants to go. Which means my baby will be leaving home and entering that evil place a year earlier than I would like. It also means, that I'll be school shopping for two kids this year instead of putting that off for another year. I still have a little time to talk Bumpo out of going but that doesn't seem very promising.

On the other hand, after dealing with two arguing boys all day, I can't wait for them to have some "apart" time. Nothing like having two boys home all day with their major goal being to annoy the hell out of each other. Doesn't make for a peaceful house, I'll tell you that much! This stage in their lives brings back so many memories from when I was the one tormenting my little brothers (mainly my middle brother). I now see the hurt in Bumpo's eyes when Bob won't play "pretend I'm *fill in the blank*" and it breaks my heart. Bob is at that age where he's just too cool to play with a four year old. What he doesn't understand, much like I didn't, is that all his little brother wants is to be just like him. Makes me feel really bad about the way I treated my brothers all those years ago. I know Bob loves Bumpo very much and they still have their sweet moments (thankfully those still outnumber the evil ones), but I see the "annoying brother" moments growing more and more and I hate it. Luckily, I'll be here to make sure they don't totally destroy their relationship. Unlike my mom did for us growing up. She always told my brothers and I that just because we were related to each other, didn't mean we had to like one another. She let us get away with so many horribly disrespectful things that I'm afraid came close to completely destroying any chance at a healthy adult relationship with them. That is one thing that won't happen in my household. I do agree that you don't always have to like your family members, but you must always respect them. They will be taught that you respect all things, no matter what. My boys will grow to love each other more and more every day instead of what happened with me, which was just the opposite. I don't want them to get to a stage in their lives, and realize that they really miss the interaction with one another. Your sibling should be your best friend, the one that's going to know you the best, be with you the longest, and should be the one that looks out for you when no one else will. Much like I should have been for my little annoying brothers. Hopefully, I still have a chance to repair my relationships with them before it's too late. For my kids however, there will be no regrets, I won't let it happen, at least when I can do something about it.

To Deuce and J.R. I truly am sorry for everything. I love you.