Monday, August 27, 2007


It's 11:00 at night and I'm sitting here, box of ridiculously good vegan shortbread cookies beside me, completely unable to focus on much else.

We leave on Saturday for a week long vacation to a wonderfully small town in Ohio, also known as my hometown. Right now, the last thing I should be doing is sitting on this sofa. I should be up cleaning, being the good worker bee I need to be. Making sure this house is spotless so there is nothing left last minute to do. However the determination for such a task escapes me right now. Instead, I find myself wondering about my future.

It's no big secret that I am unhappy here. I hate Florida with a passion. Actually, let me rephrase that, Florida is just fine, it's not really Florida that I hate. The weather here is beautiful (just don't ask me to say this in the middle of July), the scenery is to die for, and the people around here, for the most part, can't be beat. However, I have the constant reminder that my mother-in-law is only a few minutes away. A woman that has tried, and nearly succeeded on a few occasions, to rip Tim and I apart. A woman that irks me to the very core, and I let her do it.

Maybe it's just the upcoming holiday season that has me feeling this way, or maybe it's my upcoming trip to the place I love most, but I think changes are in the air. Tim and I have talked and we both agree that Florida isn't the right place for us right now. At least not this part of Florida. Not anyplace within driving distance to his mother. Although, he swears that I would love the Tampa area, but unless it has snow, I don't think it will do. Plus, like I said, it's within driving distance.

Moving back here has become known as "the decision I wish we wouldn't have made". Now, I'm not sure what we would have done if we would have stayed in Houston, but I think things would have turned out better. We moved back here under false hope and false promises, made by none other than his darn mother. Now, we're back here, in this small town, without a lot of room for advancement, and full of a bunch of people who know all about everyone else. All of a sudden, this beautiful, historic town has become too small.

Part of me hates the fact that I'm letting that damn woman get to me the way I am. I mean, she is just a spiteful, hateful person who has nothing better to do than interfere in other peoples' lives. But the other part of me knows that she is Tim's mother, and my kids' grandmother and the only way to keep her out of our lives, and away from my children is to move away. Start a new life, in a new place, as far away from her as we can possibly get. Let her have this damn town, this damn state for all I care, but she will not ruin another holiday or another celebration for my family. She will not come between Tim and I ever, EVER again. And, she will not bog us down with her self-inflicted problems anymore. I just wish it was that simple. However, she always finds a way to weasel her way into our lives. She call, crying and tell us how bad she feels for doing whatever she had done, how she'll never do it again, and how very sorry she is for interfering. Then, a week later, she does it again. I'm just so over the whole damn routine.

This next week while we are in Ohio, I have every intention on looking at houses and apartments. My childhood house is for sale and I always promised myself that if it was ever for sale and I was able to buy it, I'd do it in a heart beat. So, now that I am going to be there, Tim and I are both talking about moving, both of our jobs are easily transferable, and the house is so gosh darn affordable, I think it's a grand ol' time. I'll just take it as a sign. And hopefully whatever is supposed to happen within the next few months, or years, does so and leaves Tim, the kids, and I perfectly happy. Without the drama his mother always seems to bring along.