Sunday, March 01, 2009

conflicted

This past week has proven to be quite difficult. A lot of things have gone wrong and I'm still not quite sure what to do about them.

From the beginning of this "California Journey" I knew things would be difficult. Impossible even. Especially when you add my mother-in-law into the equasion. She's a difficult woman all on her own. Anyway, from day one we told her what we could and could not afford. We were told that she would be covering her portion of the bills. That we wouldn't have to worry about supporting her. Well, six months into things and she is completely out of money. All of the bills are in her name and it turns out that she was using her credit cards to pay them, then coming to us to collect the money. So, she's up in arms with us because she now has unbelivable interest on her accounts, her ex has ruined her credit - which caused her credit limits to drop, and she's basically screwed. First of all, Tim and I had no idea she was fronting all the bills on her CREDIT CARDS!!! How stupid is that anyway?!! On top of that, we always paid her back, what did she do with the money we gave her?!! There are a lot of unanswered questions. But the fact of the matter is that she can no longer pay her own way.

We live in a three bedroom house, in Southern California. Rent here is outragous. Not to mention water and the rest of the bills. She can't pay her way, Tim is afraid she's going to be living on the streets, and my children are looking at another move (a total of three) within a year. Everything is a real mess and I can't help but despise her for all of this.

We are probably going to move into a one or two (if we're super lucky) bedroom apartment (that alone runs about $1500 a month) and be squished together like sardines until sometime next summer. It's a bad situation. What's worse, is it's exactly what I was afraid of all those months before I was forced into making this move. It makes me sick to my stomach.

I hate that woman, I hate what she has done to my family, and I hate that my dear Timmy is stuck in the middle having to choose between his mother and his children. Because honestly, there is no choice. Which sucks for her.

2 comments:

The Immortal Woman said...

This really sounds bad. The boys have to come first, they are really innocents here. A grandparent should be a blessing in their lives not a devastation. You are in my thoughts. Take care.

Amber said...

Oh April, I'm so sorry. :( Maybe look at it this way, in that, at least you'll have your privacy back and her out of your lives.

I hope Tim learned something from this. I know from my own husband how awful the guilt can be about one's parents. He has massive amounts of conflict and pain and guilt over his mom. Who died last month. But not a day goes by that he doesn't bring her up. He doesn't rant about her so much now, just sounds sad that she was such an unhappy woman for most of her life.

Anyway, Tim can't fix her, and besides, that's not his job. I hope he knows this now. I hope you two never live with or allow anyone to live with you ever again. It's rarely a good situation for couples, especially with kids. I've watched this play out again and again and warned my own adult kids against it, too.

Anyway, your new place will be small, granted, but it will be *yours*. I've had to do that and believe me, it was WELL WORTH the small space for the peace and harmony it granted. :) :)

Maybe think about moving further away from her? Central or Northern Cal? Or even another state? Sounds like you all need distance from her, both kinds.

All my best to you all! {{{Hugs}}}}