Sunday, April 26, 2009

back on the bandwagon

Just when everything in my life seems to be getting better, I can't help but to find something to be upset about. I'm having a very Eeyore kind of day and I'm hating myself even more for it.

I'm so close to finally being away from my crazy mother-in-law, back to it being just the four of us, as it should be. After much worry, we found a place that we can not only afford, but it also allows us to save super amounts of money so that by this time next year, we'll own our own house. I've even gotten Tim to agree to consider owning said house in Ohio. Things are good. During a time in our nation where job certainty is iffy at best, Tim and I have stable jobs. We may not make the most money in the world but our careers aren't going anywhere, in fact, I'm probably getting another promotion, which will make two in the last six months for me. We're lucky in that respect. In a lot of respects actually. We have two healthy children, a solid relationship full of love and admiration (even after nine years together), a roof over our heads, and the aforementioned job security.

So why in the world am I beating myself up over what I don't have? The baby card has reared it's ugly head again. Every where I turn, people are either having babies, pregnant for the fourth or fifth time, and I'm still here, remembering the last baby they had, a pregnancy that I was just as jealous about, two or three years ago, because I too was trying to get pregnant THEN!! Fast-forward a few years later and they are planning yet another birth and I'm still sitting here. . . . waiting. . . . waiting for my little miracle. Every day you see in the news about some ungrateful mother who gave birth to a baby that she didn't want, later to throw it in a dumpster or drop it on the side of the road, or any other number of horrible things.

We were at Souplantation the other night and there was this family of eight there. Two "parents" and six children. The children ran around the restaurant like little hellions, while the parents sat there and acted like they had no children at all. They ignored these beautiful kids that were trying so desperately to get their parents attention, only to be told to leave them the hell alone whenever one of them would penetrate the "no children" wall their parents had created around them. That kind of thing makes me sick. It makes my uterus ache. Why is it that these families, people who can get pregnant by drinking out of same glass, don't value what they have? They act like children are inconveniences, sent to this earth to destroy their happiness. It's just so not fair!!!!

All I want to know is when will if be my turn?!! Will I get another turn?

I have to hope that the answer to those questions is soon and yes because I seriously don't think I could handle anything else at this point.

3 comments:

The Immortal Woman said...

You'll get another chance, when you have a financial crisis, when you least can afford it, when you really think you won't be able to handle it. Fate has horrible timing!! But then again, you already have acheived perfection with the angels you have and the mom that you are. Do you really want to temp fate??

The Immortal Woman said...

I think your dad had a b-day yesterday, tell him I hope it was a good day!

The Immortal Woman said...

It is me again, i have an award for you = stop by